My significant other has given up on having sex with me. I am post-menopause and we use lubricant, but he says it doesn’t work. I am a widow, but was married for 24 years and I never had any problems during my marriage. In addition to dryness, my partner says he meets resistance, stopping him penetrating me. His physical discomfort has caused him to give up on trying. It makes me feel very inadequate, and insecure that he may “go somewhere else” to be satisfied, as he says he loves sex more than anything. I am a very sexual woman, but I feel helpless. We have a toy, but I want to make love with him more than anything in the world. Please help.

The only things you need in order to achieve satisfying lovemaking are creativity, openness and willingness to experiment. There are many possible positions for coitus, and at least one of them will work for you. For example, try straddling him with your head facing his feet. You are already being creative by using toys, but try to be open about oral and manual stimulation, erotic role-playing and the many other exciting styles of eroticism that can ensure sex is far from boring.

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Vijay Nanda

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