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I first thought I might be asexual when I broke up with my university boyfriend of three and a half years, and felt overwhelming relief that I wouldn’t have to have sex with him again. It took another two years, two more failed relationships and lots of online research to finally realise that my suspicions were correct.

I identify as hetero-romantic asexual: I feel romantically towards the opposite sex, but don’t experience sexual attraction. I like hugging, holding hands and kissing, but these are sensual, rather than sexual, acts for me. Growing up, this was confusing, because we’re taught that romantic adult relationships automatically lead to sex – which I’ve always been scared by.

The last two times I fell for someone, I hoped this might change, but after sleeping with them once I haven’t wanted to repeat the experience. This deep unease led to the breakdown of those relationships: I felt guilty for disappointing them, but also resentful of their sexual demands.

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Vijay Nanda

The author Vijay Nanda

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